Consequently learning & FASD – what we’ve learnt…

What do you do when they just don’t want to put their coat on, even when it’s 3 below zero, or in the high 40s (OK we live in Scotland it would never get that high – you get the picture!)?

“OK fine let’s go” – but I always take the coat with me

If I believe they will need one, then why would I leave home without it?

When they ask for their coat, or express being cold, of course they can have their coat 🧥 No long lectures, it’s just pop the coat on, and of we go.

I’m not really expecting any massive learning from the experience – Flipper would never add two and two together unless maybe we’re done it every day at the same time for XX no of weeks (I’m still working out what the XX might be 😂). Buttercup, who has autistic traits, is fixed in her thinking and to try and ‘fight’ or fix that just results in her becoming more stuck and getting dis-regulated.

So yes, the other day, on one of those really hot days, she went on a cycle ride dressed head to toe in black with a thick hoody on. Which when she got to hot 🥵 we helped her remove. But she stayed regulated and so did everyone else, and it was a nice ride out together.

From speaking to lots of people, I know that many people find the whole concept of what I would recognise and call ‘natural consequences’ to be really confusing. I think most of us have been patented in an age when the adults had the final say and a ‘no nonsense’ approach to parenting. That was definitely my experience as a child.

Moving from this punitive / punishment mindset to one of compassion and empathy for some is not easy at all. Believe me, it takes practice.

We live in a world of rules, regulations and guidelines. We are trying to grow and support our kids so they are able to navigate this world.

I am hoping and believing that by using therapeutic and compassionate parenting, we are helping to build their resilience and enable them to navigate this world from a foundation built on self-belief and acceptance rather than fear and disbelief.

Watch this space to see how we do 😉.